End of the LegalXXX Era

Coming off my stellar performance in the 2005 Weblog Awards, the time has come to shut this baby down. Of course, I didn't even vote for myself during the polling. How lame is that?

But anyway, I've been blogging more and more at my new (anonymous) site lately and getting into the whole not uttering "contemptuous" language about elected represenatives thing. So it's time for me to officially kill this blog.

Oh, I may make a post now and then just so blogger won't delete the thing, but in reality, stick a fork in this thing, it's done.

As I've said, if you REALLY want to read the boob-less version of my drivel, drop me an email and I'll give you the address of my new blog.

Until then, thanks to all who have visited and tolerated my ramblings.

The Highest Grossing Gay Cowboy Movie Ever!

Apparently Brokeback Mountain is setting all sorts of inconsequential records making it the highest grossing gay cowboy movie since Super Size Me.

Of course, being the highest grossing gay cowboy movie is kinda like being a world champion yodeler.

Am I glad I left Los Angeles?

L.A. Braces for Riots Following Williams Execution

City leaders fear that the death of Williams could provoke the kind of unrest that followed the 1992 not-guilty verdict in the trial of police officers involved in the alleged beating of Rodney King. Raymond “The Hatchet Man” Locket, a member of the Westside Harlem Crips and a former associate of Williams, told LA Weekly: “Took die, the city fry. That’s the word on the streets.” The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD) said that it doubted the depth of support for Williams, especially among new-generation gang members. An LAPD spokesman said that it would remain vigilant but not deploy more officers.

Yeah, I'd say so.

Long Time No Blog

As my 4 readers have noticed, I haven't been blogging at all. Reasons being legion:

(1) The movers killed my computer. Damn thing doesn't work now so I have no PC at home and the new one I've ordered has not arrived.

(2) The DSL modem I brought from L.A. (SBC) does not work with BellSouth DSL--had to order a new modem from them which has not arrived.

(3) Only access I have is while sitting at Eureka Joe's coffee shop on Bardstown Rd. And since I have multiple things to do around the house, I don't have the time to be a coffeehouse poet and sit around for hours at a time drinking mocha.

On top of that, I'm stuck trying to get my hands on some ACUs--to no avail thus far.

LegalXXX: Hit and Run Victim

Seems like I spoke too soon about everyone being friendly and nice here in KY. While driving this afternoon to get some furniture and appliances for our new home we passed into hell, otherwise known as St. Matthews. I call it hell because people there are apparently the spawn of the Dark Lord.

"But Chris, what happened?" you ask. You ask, I tell:

Driving down Shelbyville Road we pull to a stop at a red light. I glance into the rearview and see a white Toyota Sienna coming a bit too quickly towards my back bumper. I found this quite interesting as I remembered that my back bumper was, in fact, solid.

Physics held true to form and the Toyota Sienna's action met my rear bumper's equal and opposite reaction and the damn lady rear ended us. It was not a bad hit, but it was most definitely a hit, as the mouthed "Oh shit!" from the Toyota's driver as viewed through my rear view showed.

We were both in the far right lane and I quickly turned into the nearest parking lot (a bank's) and prepared to exchange information. It was then that we looked back and saw the driver of the Toyota DRIVE AWAY.

Yup, that's right, the lady rear ended us and FLED THE SCENE. But as this was Kentucky, she fled slowly enough that we could catch her license number.

There was no damage to our car. But now that you mention it, I am feeling a little twinge in my neck...

I've Been Everywhere, Man

We passed through Miami, Lebanon, and Cuba. Quite international we are.

Also, stop by A Slower Pace, whose propietor, Dan, made an almost identical move as we are making now (Southern CA to Louisville, KY) a year ago.

And if this post about a truly good Samaratin doesn't just make you want to move to KY, nothing will.

Is this the way to Amarillo?

It's fun to be homeless. That's right, the wife and I are homeless. We left our apartment on Monday and we don't take possession of our house until December 4. So we're basically bums until then. Can you spare a dollar?

Writing to you from the beautiful Residence Inn of Amarillo, TX, we're making good time so far. We left Los Angeles at 3pm Monday and got into Phoenix around 9pm local time. Got out of there at 7:30am this morning and passed through Albuquerque and pulled into Amarillo around 8pm Central Time tonight.

We've gone about 1120 miles so far in a day and a half and we've got another 1000 or so miles to go.

Tomorrow it's through OK City and Tulsa on into Fenton, Missouri (just outside St. Louis). All told, about 11 hours of driving.

Good times.

Maybe I Should Have Joined the Navy

Life In The Navy Rocks Even Harder Than The Commercial Implied

One minute, I'm crouched on the deck of an aircraft carrier barking something into a helmet-mounted headset that you can't even friggin' hear because the music's so loud. Next, I'm dashing through the Mojave under the weight of a large pack and jumping out of a helicopter into the ocean wearing some kind of James Bond one-man submersible scuba suit. If I'm not roarin' down the high seas with the wind in my hair and 800 pounds of rad-ass Batman shit strapped to my uniform, I'm standing at perfect attention in my dress whites, fucking whippin' a sword around like I'm a goddamn samurai master.

Even basic training was an edgy, quick-cut mosaic of running and climbing and shooting and learning and Pantera riffs. There was this rad obstacle course we did twice a day carrying sandbags, and when you did it, it was like you could feel yourself morph from an average guy into one of the sword-carrying knights of old. I may not have slain actual dragons, but when I came out, I looked just like Iron Man, and my father was very impressed with the changes that he saw in me.

The soundtrack to Air Force is of course, Air Supply. Marines? A lot of grunting and some bad drum work. Army? Probably Bocephus.

Of course, it's not all runnin' and gunnin'

But there's also these quieter moments that really put things in perspective. Usually, it's when me and my multiethnic buddies are coming back from a long, kick-ass day, and we experience an unspoken moment of camaraderie. The music shifts to a power ballad, and we take a minute before the American flag to gaze in silence at the epic sunset. When I glance at my friends' chiseled faces and see their quiet pride and masculinity, I realize that I made the right choice. Sometimes, we're joined by a flying eagle, but the eagle isn't a pet of ours, it just kind of appears superimposed behind us like 50 feet tall when things get patriotic.
...
I'm sure glad that I didn't join the Marines. All those guys seem to do is climb sheer mountain faces with their bare hands.

Though Marines DO get to kill the evil dragon now and then.

Castro Denies He Has Parkinsons

Rambles incoherently to prove it.

Cuban President Fidel Castro has portrayed as wishful thinking reports from the United States that he is suffering from Parkinson's Disease.

In a speech lasting over five hours, he said he felt fine and remarked that his ideological enemies had declared him dead.

Yeah, nothing says "mentally fit" like a five-hour speech.

Lindsay Lohan Still Has Her Boobies

Via The Superficial

Hard hitting reporting, only from LegalXXX!

"Lighten Up Francis."

Stripes was on TV last night, that's gotta be a sign.

(And yes, I realize my obsessive bitching about the bar is annoying, repetitive, and utterly uninteresting--but seriously, until you're in this position, it's real hard to just take a laid back approach)

T Minus 24 Hours

Tomorrow! Tomorrow! I'll love ya! Tomorrow! You're only a daaaaayyyy aaaaawwwwaayyyyyyyyyy!

T Minus 32 Hours

And now, a poem, I call it: "Come on Already!"

Yesterday should have been Thursday.
It felt like Thursday.
It wanted to be Thursday.
But it was not Thursday.

Fin.